Ending like this
by Shkeerka
Summary: My take on Serena's thoughts when Darien broke up with her. One shot.
1. Chapter 1

It doesn't seem right, looking at him now as he walks away. I know he loves me. After everything we'd been through we can't end this way. Our love stood the test of time and death and all the evil we fought together. There's no way he could just change his mind. How can he say he doesn't love me?

"Darien, please don't do this" I say. His rigid shoulders are all that I can see.

He used to smile at me, look at me as though I was the only girl that ever mattered, the only one he would ever love. He told me that there would never be anyone else but those were the memories of beautiful princess, an elegant and charming and sweet princess who lived thousands of years ago. I can understand how a man could fall in love with a woman like that. But me, who am I? I'm just a silly girl who is clumsy and stupid. I can understand how he can say the things that he says. Why would a man like Darien, who has had to build everything he's attained ever be in love with me? In what world would he ever choose me?

"I can change" I beg him. I've no shame left at all. Without him, I have nothing, I am nothing.

"There's nothing to change," he says but he doesn't turn around. "This is about me. I just don't feel the same way anymore."

The old "it's not you it's me" excuse of course he would say that. Of course he would try to be honorable and take the blame. I know it's me, it's always been me. I never deserved him but I hoped that one day I would transform into the girl we both remember, the girl he loved. I hoped that he wouldn't notice all of my shortcomings and only her image until I actually became her. How foolish of me.

"Please, Darien" I try once again. "I can change, I can be more like her, I can be Serenity. I just need a little more time and I will be her." I run to him. Run to hold him, to beg him but being me I can't even get that right. I trip, stumble right over my clumsy feet and fall on the pavement in the street. I hold back the worst of my cries but I can't stop the tears. "Please, Darien" I beg looking up at him.

He turns to look at me. I wish that he wouldn't. I wish that he'd just walk away and not see the mess that is Serena Tsukino, the mess that I am. I am not Serenity and this scene right here just proves it even more. How can I ever compete with the memory of a perfect goddess?

"I just don't feel the same way" he says with a deep sadness in his eyes.

I can't blame him. I wouldn't love me either. He can choose anyone he wants, why would he ever choose me? He's obviously figured that out. If only I'd known, I could have prepared myself. If he hadn't been so good to me, so sweet, so loving I could let go of him. The boy who tormented me, who called me names, him I could let go but this Darien who is so beautiful and kind. I can't let him go. I don't know how to survive without him. How can he let me go? We were beautiful together, I might not be Serenity but I thought we fit. I thought that he felt the way that I did. I thought that he loved me too, that I meant something to him. I guess he just felt that he had to love me because of our past. He doesn't anymore.

"We shouldn't live in the past," he says.

I couldn't agree less. I wish we did live in the past. He loved me, only me, in the past. Now, he doesn't want anything to do with me.

"What about our mission?" I ask. I cling to the last hope I have. The last card I can play is that he will feel duty bound to protect me.

"I will fight beside you, Serena" he says. His blue eyes close and I can tell it takes a lot out of him to say the next words. "But I will not love you just because of our mission. You and I can't live like that anymore. You should learn to rely on yourself. I can't always be there to protect you."

He's right of course. He's always right. I do count on him and the rest of the scouts, how can I not? I'm not strong enough on my own. That's one more thing that Serenity never had to do. She was strong but not me. I'm weak.

"I'm sorry" he says and turns away once more. He starts walking and doesn't turn to look at me anymore.

I watch from my position on the pavement. My scraped knees are bleeding but the pain in my heart is worse than anything I could ever feel. I don't even notice the blood. This is the first time that he hasn't helped me up after I've fallen. Even when he teased me, he always helped me after I had a clutz attack. Not anymore, now he doesn't even care enough to do that. We're truly over. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't love me but not me, I will always love him. I will always try to be what he wants, even though he never will. I will never give up on him. I will wait.


	2. Chapter 2

I never wanted to hurt her. I promised myself. I promised the scouts when they didn't trust me. I promised to protect her from the monsters that plague our lives. I was meant to be her protector but I have no choice.

"Darien, please don't do this" she says and it tears at my soul. How could she not see how much this is killing me? Walking away from her was hard enough once but to do this every time we meet. It will be the end of me.

Her eyes are so blue, so vulnerable. She doesn't deserve this. She never did. How could this goddess ever love me this much? How could I deserve her love? How could she love me? She doesn't deserve my hurting her but I don't have a choice.

"I can change" she begs me and it almost makes me change my mind.

She doesn't see how perfect she is. "There's nothing to change," I say. It takes all of my effort not to turn around and beg for her forgiveness. I wish I could promise her that I would never hurt her again if only she would forgive my foolishness.

"Please, Darien" she says my name and it kills me. "I can change, I can be more like her, I can be Serenity. I just need a little more time and I will be her." She runs toward me.

I barely contain myself. She's perfect as she is. She is Serenity. They've never been two people in my eyes I can see Serenity in Serena in every moment of every day. She falls at my feet and it takes every ounce of strength not to pick her up, not to react. "Please, Darien" she says looking up at me with those big blue eyes. Tears fill here beautiful eyes and although she doesn't realize it she cuts me with those tears.

"I just don't feel the same way" I say the same line I've said hundreds of times. Her death flashes before my eyes and I go through with it. I'm hurting her now but I'm saving her life. "We shouldn't live I the past" I say and allow myself one last look.

"What about our mission?" she asks. Her voice is so fragile I fear I might have broken her with this last betrayal. How can she ask me that? Of course I would always be there for her. Even if we had no mission, if all of the monsters vanished I would still find a way to see her.

"I will fight beside you, Serena" I say. "But I will not love you just because of our mission." I would love her just because she is Serena, because she is the reason I wake up in the morning. "You and I can't live like that anymore. You should learn to rely on yourself. I can't always be there to protect you." I lie expertly. I've gotten accustomed to it. I don't mean it. I would never leave her side. My eyes close and the image that has haunted me for week's flashes right before me again. Her beautiful gown stained with her blood and that voice that tells me that it's all my fault, I have to save her.

"I'm sorry" she says.

I turn away and walk as fast as I can. I don't even allow myself a last look. It kills me. It will continue to kill me but it will save her life. This is the only way I know how to save her. I'm the one who is sorry. For the rest of my life I will be sorry for losing her.


End file.
